My lucky toilet break in trading

Fresh out of uni, on the 10th of October 2001, I started my trainee programme. It was modelled on the Turtle Trader schemes run by Richard Dennis and William Eckhardt. The firm's idea was that anyone could be plucked off the street and trained to be profitable. Traders would follow a tried and tested strategy and learn from the more experienced traders around them. Commissions, exchange rebates, facilitation fees and profit splits would generate huge profits for the firm.

9 months in, I was still struggling, my account drawing down every month after fees and costs. Waking up at 5.15 am, leaving the office after the 6 pm LIFFE close and getting home no earlier than 7.30 pm was getting me down. I had wanted to be a trader all my life, and I still believed I could turn things around.

I thought I had a great grasp of all the concepts, and my execution was as good as anyone else's. The strategy was solid, but I never managed to sustain a good run, and I fluctuated around zero like the spreads I was trading.

I had turned down an internship at EY to be on the trader scheme, and my parents' patience was wearing thin. I worked weekends at a pizzeria to cover my travel costs. The pressure to quit was building. My thick skin could handle that, but my account was only £159 away from a career stop. A few of my peers were already churning 10k a month or more. WTF was I doing wrong?

One fateful Wednesday I bumped into the company owner and head trader in the men's toilet, of all places. He noticed I was sullen and asked if I wanted to talk about anything.

I explained that this might be the last time I bumped into him (not that I thought he really gave a shit: there were hundreds of traders, and all of them were making money for him except me). I guess I was just trying to say goodbye in case I got frog-marched out after hitting my stop on the next trade. And if that didn't do it, my facilitation fees (£500) would surely wipe me out in a week or two.

Surprisingly, he did give a shit. He even knew my P/L for the day. He told me he believed in me, that I could do it, and that I was as good as any of the guys out there. Then he told me not to worry about my stop: go out and put on the next best trade, and I would only leave "when I tell you to". Just take the next trade and don't think about your stop (sensibly). Finally, he said he would speak to the risk managers, washed his hands and left me.